Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
