Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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