If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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