Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
