he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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