Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
