the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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