new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I need water and some morals
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
