I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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