oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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