i permit you to call me
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
