just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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