why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
