Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
