How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
