Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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