i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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