The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Randomize
