it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
