Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
