i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
