If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
