If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
