"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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