I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Randomize
