I want to stick my p in your. b.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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