Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
