I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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