He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
