Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
