Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
