There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
