you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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