If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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