please come you make the beer taste better
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
