What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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