I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
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There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
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It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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