I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
