I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
