I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
