If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
