Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
