Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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