Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I don't deserve a penis
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
