I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
