I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
