I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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