hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Randomize
