You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
