Pregnant stripper...not hot.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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