So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
