yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
