I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
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