i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
try to milk me bitch
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