Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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