it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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