And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
