I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
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Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
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He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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