thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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