Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
