i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
