No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
