You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
